it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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