both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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