Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
