Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
