mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize