I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
