so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
