I can't watch pbs sober anymore
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
A+ Viking dick
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
