Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
