New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
