we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
