oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
