She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
