Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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