i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
