Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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