Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
