Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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