Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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