So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
