i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I want her autograph on my taint
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
