The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
