Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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