I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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