My first STD was from a foam party
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
