i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
