I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
