Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
