I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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