thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
