I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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