He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
