another moral hangover. fuck.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
