perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
