you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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