SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
