he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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