Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize