how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
