does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
