I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
