she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize