these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
