Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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