If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
