I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
