obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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