sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize