I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
