tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
