Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
