It's Friday. Sex?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
