is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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