That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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