I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You took a bar mat shot.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You need Xanax blowdarts
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
