It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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