Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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