theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
