Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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