I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
