your parents love me but you hate me
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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