I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
