I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
foreskin is a definite game changer
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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