Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
