his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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