The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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