I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
