did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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