He disabled his match.com account in front of me
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
