i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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