call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
