I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
